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Hunting for the Sunny Perch

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[Wednesday January 22nd, 2014 10:12pm]
This is an old, dead journal that I had in my late teens-early twenties hence no activity or friends.


I'm back only to join/lurk on a few communities, specifically things that I remember from my teen years that have sentimental value.


If you want proof that I am an actual real human being, my instagram is l1vedo and it was last updated today.
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[Thursday February 5th, 2009 11:11pm]
Was trying to buy a new part of pants today at Trash and Vaudville and Jimmy was telling some friend with teased hair about how he used to suck dick for heroin when he was young.



I was like " um do you realize there is someone looking at teh pants rack 5 feet from you and I can hear like everything you guys are talking about". Not that it actually mattered that I was close mind you. he was shouting so loud Im fairly certain the whole store could have heard him .



I mean, I knew he was a drug user from just like...word of mouth, but I didnt know it was like THAT. But mostly you know, does he want some snot-nosed pants buying kid to know he used to be a pro for heroin? However it does explain why he looks like he's like 69 when he really 50.
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[Monday January 19th, 2009 5:58pm]
things I got for holiday gifts:


- Ipod Nano to replace the one I lost on the train <333333
- 5'' black platform pumps
- Vania Zouravaliov's first artbook, I think 90% of people currently freaking out over this art god found out about him from this book, I knew about him for a while before that from his original myspace.
-Takato Yamamoto's third? art book, I beleive- Rib Bone of the Hermaphrodite
-beautiful black victorian style hairbrush and makeup brush stand from Anna Sui



Besides the Ipod and the Takato Yamamoto book [ which was only available from YesAsia which means it'll probably arrive in like another year] none of this stuff that costly. Anna Sui stuff SHOULD have been hella expensive, but ebay madde everything okay. I have $16 left which I will use to get a hella awsome incense dish. But now, to painting and waiting for Takato Yamamoto. Life is good!



new years resolutions:


-move out of tiny apartment from hell

- Stop eating horrible foods and suger and pizza. learn to prepare meals. Keep taking those weird fish liver tablets.



THAT IS ALL.
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[Sunday November 30th, 2008 7:27am]
I made a new friend.



http://www.modelmayhem.com/745904


Him: I have never paid a model in my life.
Me: yeah?
Him: yeah why the fuck would I pay a model? I'm a working proffesional , cleints pay ME and then the model if thats how it works out. Why would I pay a model? What so I can see tits? I can go to a bar and get some williamburg slut to show me hers for free. Maybe buy her a drink or something.


from now on, I dont work with any male photographers who doesnt make jokes about williamburg sluts. Srsly.








basically I was telling him fun stories of alt "models" who charge money so some photographer can get scene points by having them on their model mayhem prot. you know besidses Apnea I dont think any of these girls stand a chance in hell of making money as models of any nature 5-10 year down the road. yet, they refuse to get any kind of education. It is funny that one day Audrey Kitching will probably be old and living with her mom or on MTV real world.



also this is the most hidious woman I have ever seen that people seem to consider attractive:

http://www.refinery29.com/editorial/img/alice_dellal.jpg

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/08/17/article-1046012-022427A700000578-684_468x908.jpg

http://img.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/80469470__oPt.jpg

dont be fooled by the side of her head. she's not deffrawk, she just has that ONE side shaved,.....like a mental patient. Apperently her mother was some kind of famous model back in the day which makes me wonder why the hell she is so busted in the face. Now she is the new edgy flavor of the month apperently? Like Agyness Deyn, but with spam for thighs and ill with some kind of Kurt Cobian infautaion.
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[Tuesday November 4th, 2008 4:04am]
I just dreamt I had sexual relations with...nevermind, it's too wrong to be written. Let's just say its a person of questionable gender who is an inspiration to all HARDCORE GAWTHS in teh german-speaking lands.




Now on the subject of real life, I ripped one of my earlobes today ;__________; There was blood all over the fucking place. I'm probably going to have scar tissue there now. Apperently a 0g tapered horsehoe is too fucking heavy to leave in your ear for even as little as 14 hours.And it felt fine until I took it out, that was when it started gushed and I couldnt get my awsome black gemed 0g tunnel in.



I think I'll just halt all stetching until like...next year. I already made a whole bunch of mistakes. But at the same time, I dont even want huge fucking tribal ears! I just want them to be big enough to wear those awsome resin plugs with the bugs inside ;___;
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[Monday October 27th, 2008 4:19am]
Well today has been a shitty day. I got nothing done because everything I needed to do was closed for no fucking reason. Some idiot I never met before harrassed me on the street. Then lo and behold, someone who barly knows my name decided to call me with their PEICE OF SHIT PHONE that is like 10 fucking years old and always has terrible reception and I THINK they asked me if they can come over to my apartment? I dont know because I kept saying OVER AND OVER in that conversatiuon I DO NOT FUCKING HEAR YOU PLEASE CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAN. I just got my phone replaced too, so their is NO way it is a problem on my end. Then they got all pissy and butthurt because apperently I didnt answer? probably trying to figure out weather the fucking phone call was still connected or or not. Then I literally asked " do you want to come over " and "if you want to come over" several times. I got some weird ego hurt BS about how he has to figure out by himself and to 'just forget it". Why, because I didnt answer in the magic window period of like 5 fucking seconds and that makes all the emotional difference? GET A FUCKING LIFE. YOU'RE PUSHING 40, stop bitching like a ten year old with a skinned knee and GET YOUR FUCKING PHONE REPLACED. And dont fucking blame me and act like I'm a bitchy for NOT HEARING WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE SAYING.




You call me stupid, spoiled and ugly [ " I'm not saying your're stupid, I saying the stuff you did was stupid" <---- wtf? ] and now I'M supposed to feel bad because your phone is worth less then a fucking paperweight and you cant make up for FIVE SECONDS of silence? I
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[Saturday October 25th, 2008 5:32pm]
So I bit a peicce of my tongue off and now cant talk.


yes that is the most exicting stuff I can think of to write.
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[Sunday October 12th, 2008 3:42am]
so many ideas....so little time.



I have too much cool sketchs in my sketchbook which I cannot manifest.


alsol, who the fuck decided silkscreen is easy? I spent 3 hours last thursday preparing the same screen because every imaginable thing that could do wrong, did. maaaan.



I also shot a magazine editorial for Make up For Ever so when they actually tell me what magazine it's gonna be in, i will post it to brag. According to Erin, the MUA I worked the most with, her boss really likes me and their new budget killed the option of hiring agency girls. she said it would probably be Zink though.
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[Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 2:17am]
I think I might have actually ripped my 4g earlobe slightly because it stings. It didnt sting before for THIS long any of the other time I switched to a lower gauge so I am a bit concerned.


I have grown utterly sick of someone because I finally got tired of being treated like a doormat and and stupid annoying brat that they force themselves to assocaite with as a act of charity but they have something insignificant of mine that lent them one day when I was tired and just wanted them to leave me alone. It's not the thing itself so much as the idea of them getting free shit from me AFTER treating like such crap [the last "friend" I remember who looked down on me this much was 5 years ago] infuriates me. My mom says she'll just buy me another one and it's not worth it to drag out even talking them over something that costs less then $20. The nasty and demeaning attitude, Im not actually mad at them for, actually, because I allowed them do that for a VERY long time so it's really no one's fault but my own. I mean that.


ugh.
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[Tuesday September 23rd, 2008 12:19am]
have stretched my ears to 4G and 6g respectively [ one is behind the other].


am making a beast out of wood. It has far outgrown the orignal design and consumed my life. That is all.
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[Monday September 15th, 2008 1:38am]
my life is horrifying.


what I considered the most important and meaningful experience in my life was just a bunch of fantasies in my head.

[Wednesday September 10th, 2008 11:23pm]
so today some random gawth concert was going on next to my apartment today and I had the odd luck of passing by both before AND right after it ended coming from a class which would have a amusinbg but unmeantionable coincidence if I didnt see like 5 people I knew there. First time it was ackward but not a big deal other then the fact that someone still draws their eyebrows in upward archs which is just...no and thanks for not returing my phone calls over some lameass drama in california that had nothing to with ME.


But SHIT look what came crawling out the second time, I swear I could smell the pot and hairspray from a whole block down, thank god I caught him before he caught me and there was a 7/11 to hide in.




Its weird "coincidentally" seeing two guys who wanted to date me at one at the same time in one place unaware they could share great stories about how lame I was for making friends with their ENEMIZIES and not wanting to have sex with something that smells like weed if it was a styling product.



I also saw Cintia Dicker buying lights at my local hole in the wall deli where I usually go to harvest tea and pocky; I now know the apartment complex she lives in, and its a hell of a lot better then mine. She also has a a personal limo apperently for the quick transportation to NY fashion week.



In conclusion:


tonight some people went to the gawth concert;


Cintia Dicker went to make another 70,000;


I glued some wood together.






also, her legs are shorter then mine.
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[Friday August 22nd, 2008 10:31pm]
god I need a job. I think I'm pretty much up for anything at this point bar sucking dick on the street. considering my own mother called me a prostiture recently though maybe i should just give in. Actually, how about no. my mother is a dimwit.




I am actually starting school though !!! HAHAHAHA!!! I MADE IT MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I even sat with the fine arts head and choose some general classes. they added a bunch of fashion related classes to fine arts cause as she puts it they always TALK about adding a fashion design dept. at the school but with FIT a stone throw's away it would kind of be a waste of time. Or, more specficially, FIT would waste them. But I got to sign up for a snazzy textiles screenprinting class, or , as they put it in the description, " start your own t-shirt line!".


also am currently in negotiation with some new fashion agency on broadway. This is another reason why i cannot get a job.....i want to get paid to be adored and loved in the form of a pixilized image on the internet.
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[Tuesday August 5th, 2008 3:58pm]
since I totally have no chance of getting a job at this point in time,


BUY JEWERLYS FROM ME?





Pictures and stuff under cutCollapse )
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[Monday August 4th, 2008 3:40pm]
I'm never going to back to school, am I? it's just never going to happen, everyones too busy, no pone picks up their phone, the staff are always on vacation, ect ect ect.



good I'm so depressed about this.


stupid pictures for your enjoymentCollapse )
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[Friday August 1st, 2008 12:54am]
I need to buy dreads, continueingly larger plugs, some black dye for my weave [ I thought of buying a new one but $7 and and half hour is worth more to me then $50].




I WILL NOT BE NORMAL.



THEY WILL LEARN TO LOVE IT LIKE IT IS.




die brooke sheilds.
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[Thursday July 31st, 2008 1:32am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I am really pissed off today. Really really pissed off. Today I went to get my hair fixed to the new agent's specifications. I was under the impression I would get at least some say in what I would look like, but no , apperently not. I dont give a fuck what they say, there are working models with blonde hair, black hair, short hair, long, BAH BAH BAH. I find it retarded that I absolutely MOST LOOK EXACTLY to some idea he has to be succesful.


he wanted to cut my hair. That was okay. he wanted to change my white blonde hair, I was like, okay. i have scalp psoraisis anyway and the shit was giving me bleeding open sores on my head last time I did mny roots. I liked blonde but I also like black hair and black hair doesnt give me bleeding sores. HE WANTED TO GIVE ME DARK BROWN HAIR. The most BORING fucking color there is. I asked if black would be okay and they were like ABSOLUTELY NOT BLACK WILL LOOK HIDIOUS but dark brown is WHAT you NEEEED. How in the FUCK does that make sense? Its almost the same thing but black would make ME happy and dark brown would make me MISERABLE.



what happened was it did indeed come out black. The guy who did was like , " oh , it'll fade when you wash it later, then it'll be perfect". oh yeah, it'll fade alright. You fucking watch it fade. Its black now and it'll stay that way as long as I have a say in the matter and access to Manic Panic Raven dye.He technically did a good job, but was very unproffesional the way he did it and just plain annoying. he was also telling me about how he worked with janice dickenson, found naima more when she was still working as a coffee slave, has met Kate Moss ect ect ect. if this is true then for he should have the money to get his damn teeth fixed. Shit motherfucker, I've never seen a worse mouht in my life. no teeth in the front except a couple of broken ones to the side that look like fangs and the rest yellow. i get the impression that may or may not have been a result of violence in his home country in latin america, but come on. DENTURES. Their'rde not even that expensive. Not like implanted fake teeth.




they also obviously dyed my eyebrows. I fucking hate them. More then anything. I like my new hair [ with no thanks to them] but these eyebrows are disgusting. They were saying that they actually wanted them be BUSHIER, like some stupid eurotrash secratary at a mud spa or some other shit rich people buy. Like Brooke Sheilds. Fuck brooke sheilds for started that trend. I hope a fat hairy black caterpillar crawls on her face while she's sleeping and trys to fuck her forehead thinking it's a mating swarm. And fuck agyness deyn for re-enforcing it. They were talking about making me have her look. She wants to look like a man that's her deal, last I checked I have tits though so I dont think that's going to work out for me even if someone tried.




I asked if I could make them just a LITTLE thinner and got a half-hour lecture about how this is "what the industry wants" and " it's not personal" and basically telling me that if I'm not going to be able to follow instructions and be stubborn I'm not going to be able to do much in the industry. yes, i understand this. I also know and understand then are thousand of freakin models out there. I doubt my eyebrows are going to be a dealbreaker on the type of people who are going to want to work with me and the ones who would have a huge objection with it would properly want a Brooke Sheilds anyway. I am not giving up total control of my image to ANYONE. Because I DONT NEED TO. Like I said before there are so many girls out there, they can pass on me if they dont like my vibe. I dont have shaved off eyebrows [ as much as I dearly wish I did] and blue streaks in my hair with half of it shaved off anymore and I am WELL into the realm of mainstream....able. Not mainstream, but mainstreamable. I dont need to look like a complete dilweed.



What is it that people find so fascinating with that look anyway? the fucking "high-school-brown-hair-no-makeup-soccer-practice-after-school-american-teen" ideal anyway? Most of those people are just white trash in better neighborhoods and more expensive schools instead of the trailor park. And their're about the most pissant elitist judgemental little bitchs you can ever hope to meet.
























Anyways yeah, black hair. This finally gives me the excuse the buy a head of dread extensions that I was thinking of. yes; dreads.

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[Tuesday July 22nd, 2008 9:36pm]
so did I say I'm not suited for paid fashion?


well...I just met a former Mc2 [ http://www.mc2mm.com/ ] agent who thinks otherwise apperently. he wants to develope me and get me signed to major editorial agency.


funny how that worked out. I just officially " quit" yesterday. And now I am officially 'discovered". On the freakin' internet no less. Mind you he did ask me to meet him at the Hilton Hotel during some model/talent scouting event. I dont know much about it but from what I've heard it's kinda of crap and costs 2,000. Irregardless though I saw people from major angencies there including Elite [ who just had to wear tshirts with Elite printed in huge letters on it- stupid idea- I expect they got harrassed for portfolio reviews all day all].



He still doesnt know that I have a mohawk though. I feel that this may undo the whole deal...uh....that and he doesnt know I'm like 5'7. but he wants to measure me. NOT GOOD. XDDD
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[Monday July 21st, 2008 6:30pm]
No more modeling!



I'm extremely sick of having to explain every aspect of myself, my age, my height, my hair, BAH BAH BAH BAH. The signs have all pointed to the fact that I am not suited for editorial/fashion modeling outside of maybe a once in a lifetime job that might be thrown my way [ aka the sephora thing].And I'm sick of doing stuff for free. So! I quit. I'll just go back to trying to make my living as an artist.
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[Monday July 7th, 2008 12:33am]
isnt it nice to know what kind upper crust, wealthy people live on the upper west side of manhattan?


"If you are not looking to meet up in person, don't respond. You MUST be DECSRIPTIVE in your reply. One line responses will be ignored, even if you send a hot pic. If you can't spend ten minutes writing a thoughtful reply that will lead to the hottest, nastiest and most extreme use and fucking you can imagine, you're not who I seek. Communication is essential, and so, my decadent lil diva, start communicating . ."



Thnx craigslist.
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